Reflections on 2022-2024
Introduction & Motivation
This post reflects on my past three years, recalling both the things I did well and the things I could have done better. It also outlines the mindset with which I plan to approach my remaining two years in college.
This post also refers to contents from the Holy Bible and contains personal thoughts based on the Christian faith. Since it may be difficult to understand, relate to, or might feel uncomfortable for people who are not Christians, I want to inform of this in advance at the beginning of the post.
Looking back at my mostly post-pandemic, past three years (2022-2024), I realize: there have been so many days—happy days, sad days, good days, painful days. The fact that I’ve made it this far must surely be for the Lord’s grace (or, for those who don’t believe, the grace of the heavens).
“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.”
(2 Corinthians 9:6, NIV)
This is, in my opinion, one of my favorite verses from the Bible—what I plant, I will eventually harvest. This being said, throughout January 2025, the more I thought about it, the more I felt like I wasn’t investing in my future. No—worse, I felt like I was ruining it with my own hands—by a combination of complacency, laziness, and irresponsibility. I’m not writing this in a state of emotional turmoil. If I simply take an honest look at my actions this month, I don’t feel like I’ve grown into a more mature or thoughtful person.
Maybe it’s because I only remember my mistakes? Every time I try to let things go, those bad memories from my past resurface, crystal clear, as if they happened just yesterday. Changing my thoughts, changing my actions, and improving myself—it all feels impossibly difficult. No matter how much I pray, no matter how much I plead not to be consumed by temptation, no matter how many times I repent before the Lord, I always find myself returning to the same state. My mind and soul become tainted once more, filled with worldly concerns, desires, and impurities.
The New Testament says that Jesus Christ prayed until “His sweat became like drops of blood” (Luke 22:44, NIV).
Even the greatest central figure in Christian history did that. So, really, is it any surprise that someone like me so easily falls prey to desire and temptation? Still, even though I know I will keep making mistakes—I pray that I will also keep repenting, praying, learning, getting back up, healing, letting go, and choosing to carry on.
On difficult days, when guilt and regret over the past feel overwhelming, taking a moment to look at the sky can help clear the mind. In contrast to a troubled state, the bright, sunlit sky often appears especially peaceful and beautiful. (That is, compared to this world, with so much of its suffering, evil, and contradictions.) And whenever I do that, I wonder, how wonderful it would be to become one with that stillness, that calm, that radiant harmony. (This is not to complain about my life, really. I understand that I am blessed with a much easier life than many others.) The difficult days I speak of are the days when my heart feels unusually heavy.
Princeton mathematics professor June Huh, a Fields medalist, once said, “In the face of time, specifities are always insignificant.” That’s why, when I write in this blog, I won’t set specific goals. I’ll simply express my thoughts as they are—raw, honest, like a stream of consciousness. After all, this is for me. A record of what I was thinking at this moment, why I felt this way—so I don’t forget. Unlike my past blog entries, I don’t have a specific goal in mind for this particular piece of writing. Things like job preparation and building my resume are separate issues, and now is not the time to focus on them in detail. And as the Proverbs says, no one truly knows their own path. Even if we make plans, it is Lord who leads the way.
“In their hearts humans plan their course,
but the Lord establishes their steps.”
(Proverbs 16:9, NIV)
This post perhaps sounds scattered, unstructured, even meaningless, to you the reader. But someday, I hope to look back on this and remember— What I was thinking in January and February of 2025, and why I thought that way. For now, I bury this entry like a seed in the storage of my memory. I don’t know what kind of fruit it will bear in the future. Will it bring me understanding? Or will it stir feelings of sympathy and pity? I’ll end with the closing words of Professor Huh’s 2023 graduation speech at his alma mater, Seoul National University:
“Be kind to each other, and to yourself. And may that kindness reach ourselves in the future, wherever we may be.”